The topics under consideration reminded me of a show I was recently introduced to. The show is called Catfish and runs on MTV. The concept is based on a documentary film of the same name, and explores online relationships. What makes these online relationships curious is that the individuals involved have never met. Subsequently, the amount that their ‘partner’ knows about them in highly controlled, and often manipulated and subjected to half-truths, lies and missing details.
After dismissing the show as reality-trash, I watched an episode. I found myself incredibly intrigued by the individuals involved. Many people seemed to use online communication to compensate for their lack of acceptance or positive reception in the real world. With reasons ranging from appearance to sexual orientation, individuals took to online communication as a way to control and manipulate their image in the eyes of prospective partners. In numerous instances one of the individuals would admit to being addicted to this type of socializing, often humbly admitting to habitual lying. Simply put, people recognized what they were doing (lying etc) as wrong, but valued the attention and acceptance too much to risk honesty. In each of the cases I watched, I felt various degrees of sympathy for at least one of the individuals. These were people who felt unwanted and worthless due to countless stereotypes and pressures upon them from society as a whole. This being said, their feelings led them to the unhealthy practice of habitual lying and self re-imaginating. Rather than learn to love themselves, many of these people cultivated an alternative existence online, not dissimilar to those explored in the Second Life reading. This should inspire criticism of our society and the artificial values we impose on others. In all these cases, online communication allowed a level of insulation and protection that allowed for genuine emotions and (almost always) romantic correspondence that otherwise would not have occurred. However, in satisfying their natural social needs online, individuals withdrew from tradition socializing that would prove more healthy and honest.
In any case, technologies ability to manipulate who we are is a troubling and evidently problematic. While the benefits of such technology are obvious, the potential for identity manipulation and living a lie is deeply concerning.
-jake
Jake, I found your piece on the show ‘Catfish’ very interesting. It seemed to have many similarities to our reading on the online virtual game, ‘Second Life’. In both cases, the individuals involved had the ability to manipulate their true identity. The difference would be ‘Catfish’ seems focused solely on finding a future partner instead of perfecting every aspect of their life in a fantasy world. My question is how can these people have a successful relationship if it is based on lies? I truly do not understand how two individuals could start a relationship if they were lying about things such as their appearance and sexual orientation.
- Jollybean
The show proves interesting in people’s ability to forgive, reconsider, and move on. To be sure, starting a physical/offline relationship/friendship off a foundation that was a lie is difficult, and the show often features individuals struggling with this. However, aspects of one’s personality that are transmitted through instant messaging and conversations seem to outweigh lies that are motivated by one’s insecurities. In other words, people who were ‘tricked’ or ‘fooled’ often forgive their ‘catfish’ due to redeeming qualities that were genuine. It proves to be an interesting insight at human behaviour and our ability to forgive halftruths and lies. This development is often marked by a pledge for honesty and openness moving forward. Alternatively, relationships are downgraded to friendships or mere acquaintances as individuals fail to overcome lies that may have initially elicited deep emotional and sexual connections. -Jake
In the show Catfish, are both individuals in the relationship lying ? If so, maybe the individual finds it easier to forgive because they knew that they were also lying about themselves? I like the point you raised about our ability to forgive halftuths and lies. It is quite remarkable how humans have the capability to forgive and forget, but when does the line get drawn? How far is too far? How many lies are too many?
- Jollybean
Jollybean,
In some cases, both individuals are lying. It is always interesting to see the conclusion of the show, to see how the two react and if they continue to be friends. The show itself is a shocking example of the shame that some people feel about their identities, whether they are gay, straight, trans or cisexual. It often makes me feel a true sense of sadness to see people feel the need to hide their identities in order to find love. This is the kind of society that we live in, and personally, I find it very upsetting.